Dear Kanda,
by Caban University
Summary: Dear Kanda,   This is my goodbye letter. So good-bye Yu. I loved you.  HAHA You knows what's funny?  The war didn't kill me...you did.  ALLENXKANDA


Koumi stepped onto the platform, the platform, and grabbed the edge of his shirt and rumpled out the creases in his pants.

"We are gathered here today to mourn for the loss of A-Allen Walker who successfully defeated the E-Earl." Koumi said wiping away his tears and eyeing the Noah's who had just arrived.

Koumi stopped when two of the Noah's rushed on stage hand and hand pushing Koumi to the side. The exorcists tensed and grabbed their innocence in anger.

"For those of you who do not know me, I'm Road Camelot, 9th Noah and daughter of Adam, the millennium Earl." The order was surprised to find that she had started crying they were even more surprised when they saw Tyki crying also.

"And I am Tyki Mikk, 3rd Noah and uncle of Road Camelot…we are here because Allen gave us a l-letter to…" Tyki trailed off. He turned around and looked at the silver haired boy, he fell to his knees and began crying.

"To deliver after his death…what you don't know is we were planning to destroy the earl together…all the Noah's, but he had went early. Too early." Road stated calmly trying all too hard to keep her sobs in.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Tyki repeated. Road put her hand on his back. "That fucking idiot."

"I told you he was involved with the Noah's." Someone in the back whispered however his or her voice echoed throughout the small church. Road's eyes glowed, no longer yellow, in anger.

"HE WAS TRYING TO SAVE YOU! SAVE YOU EXORSISTS THAT CONDEMED HIM TO DEATH!" Road yelled clenching her fists. She watched

Lavi grabbed Kanda's hand to which Kanda moved away from him. He glared at the red haired evilly.

"I'm fine Lavi. I'm fine." Kanda whispered and turned away from the hurt male. Kanda bit his lip to stop the tears. He was strong. He'd be strong...for Allen.

"The letter. Read his letter…. please." Cross stood up and wiped away his tears.

So Road read,

_Kanda, _(Kanda cocked his head to the right and stared at the childish Noah surprised who stared back equally surprised.)

_I'm going to fight Earl today. I know, it's too early, but I'd rather die in honor then kill myself you know? Well I guess it's the same but I have to try right. Maybe I'll get lucky and actually kill him…maybe I'll get lucky and I'll just die. I'm being selfish again sorry. Everyone must hate me now; out of all the people to send my letter to I send it to you. They didn't know about us but I instructed Road to read this in front of all of the order at my funeral because I want them to know why I chose to die. _

_OH! For Road and Tyki, You've been amazing friends. I love you lots. =] _

(Road hands clenched around the paper. She began hyperventilating; they hadn't known Allen Walker planned to die. Tyki, content now, Began reading where Road left off)

_You guys are the reason the Earl was defeated. I love each and every one of you Noah's even Jasdevi (now you'll have to pay my idiot master's debts) like I love each and everyone of the exorcist (even Levier) Ahaha! I can imagine him scowling…oh wait nope that'd still be Kanda. Hey hey~ Road is he scowling? Whisper to me if he's scowling. (_Road looked at Kanda to see him indeed scowl at the boy and whip his head to the left almost as if he was embarrassed she went to the casket and whispered in his ear.) _ahahahah! I bet I'm laughing in the after life also._

_YU IS EMBARRASED! Are his cheeks red? Oh boy I wish I'd seen that._

_ANYWHO,_

_I hope Cross is here. If he is, then I want to tell him that I always viewed him as my second father. _(Levier looked away ashamed that he had been the cause of the boys troubles and Cross bit his lip to stop from crying. Underneath that alcohol and womanizing behavior he had loved the boy like his son.)

_Back to Kanda (Because this letter was for him) _

_(_Again everyone stared at Kanda and Kanda felt his eyes starting to get watery. He began crying, first softly then loudly. He clutched his heart, because that's where it hurt most.)

_I'm sorry if I was harsh to you but you have to understand that when you told me I was annoying and obnoxious it hurt me but I would've hid it if I could just be with you again. You're probably wondering why I'm telling you after my death...and over some letter, well because I've finally come to terms with the fact that I wasn't_ good enough _for you. As for why I'm telling you this over letter? Because I know I won't be able to tell you the things I always wanted to when we were together...because honestly, I can't face any more rejection. Anymore hate to me…I pretend, I put on a smile. What hurts me the most is not even the fact that you loved someone else it's the fact you never noticed my smile was fake. _

_(_Kanda whipped his head up in shock. He only loved Allen so what the hell was he talking about)

_When I was with you I've always got the impression that you never wanted to be with me because of your lack of enthusiasm about us but I think I was just more excited that I had finally found someone who understood me...or at least I think understood me._

_I loved your voice, I still do. You could talk for hours and I'd listen but you never did seem to talk. You never seemed to like talking.__  
><em>I loved your laugh, even if it was something that I couldn't make you do or something that you seemed to never do.<em>  
><em>I know this sounds cheesy and stupid coming from someone like me, but I loved your mind.<em>  
><em>No not your intelligence but your god given mind. Your personality to your creativity, you sparked me. <em>_

_I wrote so many poems about you and I wanted to show them to you but I thought...well I thought you'd laugh at me. If you laughed at my poems of you you'd be laughing at my feelings for you right? _

_What we had was real Kanda…but sometimes I wondered if you viewed me as the little moyashi that you had to protect instead of the Allen you loved and fucked. _

_(_The order gasped and looked to Kanda)

_I loved the constant arguments we had and when you called me a moyashi because that meant you were finally looking at me. I'd take any sort of pain if you could just notice me._

_I bragged about you (when we went on missions…and of course to my master) and one time you asked me why I did and I just shrugged it off.__  
><em>I bragged to everyone about YOU Kanda because you are so amazing and what's fucking shitty is that you can't even see it.<em>  
><em>Your trapped in your god damn bubble and I feel sorry for you. I hugged you, I kissed you, I showed you how much I love you but I'm regretful I didn't hug you more or kiss you more to make you see that I care so much for you. I'm regretful that I didn't show you how much of a handsome bright man you are. I'm regretful that I didn't give you what you needed.<em>_

_And sure, I may not have known you as well as I'd like to but I was proud to say, 'you see that jerk? Yea that's my boyfriend. I think I loved you...but then again I'm 16. What do I know of love? You seem to have found love without me, happy with Lavi._

(Kanda looked at the redhead furiously. Lavi, with tears in his eyes, shook his head and muttered no.)_The bookmen aren't supposed to have feelings for anyone but you…. he had it for you. It hurts so much and I can't do anything about it but I am at least a little happy. You made Lavi feel emotions, something I've been trying to do since I've known him. So I guess for that, thank you._

_This letter was more for me more than you because I want you to be happy; I need to let you go. I truly hope that you find the right person even if it's not me...No, actually. I'm sick to my stomach you could be happy with anyone but me. I LOVED YOU KANDA. I FUCKING LOVED YOU! I wanted you to come back to me, come back _**_my _**_bed, but I guess I'm just selfishly thinking random shit in my head right...?_

_I don't know what this feeling is, but I'm fucking scared of it okay? I can deal with being on the frontline of the war. I can deal with being the 14th. I can deal with having everyone hate me…. but I can't deal with this feeling of hurt and betrayal._

_So I'm admitting to you that I'm afraid of you because of what your doing to me...and you don't even seem to realize. I like you so much and yes I do want you back but even I know when I lost a battle so I'll accept my defeat and leave. I'll leave forever._

**I'm sorry I wasn't what Lavi is. **

**I'm sorry I loved you like Lavi did. **

**I'm sorry I pried; I'm sorry I'm the 14th Noah.**

**I'm sorry I couldn't make you smile**

**And I'm so sorry, so torn, that it was Lavi who finally made you laugh. **

**He did. **

…**. I'm sorry I loved you Yu.**

(Everyone looked at Kanda with sad eyes. They now knew this was hardest for him.)

_This is my goodbye letter. So good-bye Yu. I loved you._

_HAHA You knows what's funny?_

_The war didn't kill me…you did._

_-Sincerely Allen Walker_

A sob was let out and Tyki crumpled the letter in his hand and clutched his body trying to stop his sobbing.

"Y-You…what did you tell him?" Yu asked Lavi calmly. Kanda stood up and Lavi followed him as he moved to the center of the isle.

"I-I…" Lavi began crying again, "I told him we were dating a-and that you t-thought he was…he w-was a freak."

Kanda punched the red haired boy in the face.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Kanda cried out. "I LOVE ALLEN! I LOVE ALLEN AND IT'S YOUR FAULT HE'S DEAD YOU FUCKING DICK."

Kanda straddled Lavi and began punching him. Cross ran to drag Kanda off the other teen but was surprised when Kanda bit him and began back to choke Lavi.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry." Lavi choked out. It took 5 people to drag Kanda off of Lavi and when they did Kanda began hysterically screaming.

"I LOVE HIM LAVI! WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET US BE!"Kanda screamed. "HE WAS EVERYTHING TO ME! EVERYTHING. WHY COULDN'T EVERYONE JUST LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE!"

"Kanda calm down. We understand you're upset-" Lenalee was cut off.

"NO! NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND LENALLE, NONE OF YOU DO! HE WAS MY ONE AND ONLY, THE REASON I KEPT LIVING AND NOW HE'S GONE...and I...don't know what to do!"

"Keep walking forward." A voice sounded through the small church. "It took me a few days but I'm here."

"N-Neah?" Road asked noticing the 14th Noah's human form.

"As it turns out when I killed the Earl Neah detached from me to create his own body, but I was stronger than Neah and this time I took over his body. I just woke up like 3 hours ago." The unknown boy said smiling.

"So who the hell are you?" Lavi asked harshly grabbing his throat.

"I'm Allen. Allen Walker. Sorry it took me so long, I thought I told Lulubell that-"

At that moment Lulubell rushed into church, "ALLEN IS ALIVE! DON'T CREMATE...him...oh, hi Allen."

Awkward silence. Allen rubbed his head awkwardly and sighed. "Lulubell your 3 hours late."

"I fell asleep." Allen deadpanned.

"So that's it...I'm sorry I made all of you wo-" Kanda ran up to his young lover and punched him in the face.

"You faked the letter? You bastard! How could you mess with me like that?" Kanda yelled, eyes red and face flushed from rage.

"It...it wasn't a fake. I just happened to take over Neah's new body. I planned to die that day Kanda but after I got a new body I-I...just couldn't do it again." Allen turned to his mourning friends, "I'm sorry that I've caused you pain. Please forgive me."

"You shit head." Allen looked back at Kanda. "I'm not dating Lavi, I'm dating you."

So Kanda kissed Allen and they lived together for many years to come...despite this deathly misunderstanding.


End file.
